A Secluded Beach

A Secluded Beach

I’m here on this secluded beach
No one else here, but me
Nothing in my thoughts
Everything in my prayers

Praying for a change
For the better in the least

Got me some books to do some reading
Cassettes to take it back
Hammond, Brown, Griffiths, Nancy, Marley and even Kitchner on some tracks
Got these things to entertain me
Though entertainment is what cast me away on this island of luxury
I’m a mental catastrophe

Praying for peace
Gonna arrive soon, I’m hoping you see

Chowing down on two day old Chinese food
Feels like two week old
Air-taxied from Taipei
But I fill my mouth
And eat it like it’s gold

Praying no MSG
I’m sick already, what does it matter to me

Yeah, I’m asking for a change
I know it’s gonna come
Because there’s no one else here
No one else here on this beach, but me
Nothing in my thoughts
Everything in my prayers

I’m here on this secluded beach.

A.Wilson

I really tried to write on Tuesday, but things came up like usual. I wanted to make it my special day to get down my thoughts, actions, and the blueprints for the better me. Eh.

I had to run some errands this morning. My mother knew my run to the bank was a lengthy one, but she didn’t bother asking what was wrong. She already knows. Funny thing too, the other woman slightly reprimanded me, while the teller at the bank left me with these final words:

Paradise is never perfect.

Go figure. In my current mood I may have even mistaken her some philosopher.

Oh and let me apologize as this entry is only going to get longer. I feel like tossing in the lyrics to the current sound track of my life, because they seem to know the way to say things better for me right now. But that’ll come shortly.

My currents projects include writing as usual. Even got some specialties brewing. And of course there is always the leisure writing, like xanga and IGOUGO. I even got a five star editor rating on my most recent stories on Trinidad at IGOUGO. J I took on a two month Production Assistant job at Disney. If you want to know all about it you can go to www.camplaureateinfo.com and see some details, though they may seem a little useless to you.

In brief, Laureate Education has spent a ton of money sending some of the most intelligent professors (big brains) and their families, from all over the world to Disney for Camp Laureate. Camp Laureate is an in studio production that will put panel discussions, interviews, lectures, and classroom scenarios onto the web for Walden University. We are expected to take 3,000 hours of footage in the next two months to be streamed on the web for higher learning.

My job will be to make sure the big brains are very happy and well taken care of during their stay, but my duties also include some very basic camera operating and acting as an A.D. So there is a lot of responsibility built into the position as well as a lot of fun that can take place over the summer. The hours are intense as so much footage has to be taken and I’ll more than likely be working 10-12 hour days with my three hour combined commute to Orlando everyday and back. That means I’m going into work and sleep mode and my weekends will have to be used for writing.

It’s a pretty cool job despite the commute, no one twisted my arm and said – “Hey, you have to do this!” And from the very first day I stepped into the studio and started chatting with so many like-minded individuals, I felt relieved. So if you have the chance and really want to know what’s happening with me, again the website will be your best way to check it out. I won’t be very chatty over the next two months.

Hmmm… Everything else is a little more personal and private than I really would like to talk about. I would like to roll the words around on my tongue a little longer, before letting them spew out like uncontrollable baby regurgitation. That was dumb. First thing that came to mind though – so I won’t edit it this time.

I guess I’m going to start on this lengthy process of song lyrics word for word.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been listening to a lot of Fiona Apple. I was trying to come up with a way to marry her. Not really, but she touched me (as always) and some of the things she said really hit the core, therefore I think Fiona gets the two tracks today that will go down in this entry.

A Mistake (Fiona Apple. Album: When The Pawn)

I’m gonna make a mistake-
I’m gonna do it on purpose
I’m gonna waste my time
Cuz, I’m full as a tick
And I’m scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I’m gonna fuck it up again
I’m gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for
I’m no good at math
And when I find my way back
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I’ve acquired quite a taste
For a well-made mistake
I wanna mistake why can’t I make a mistake?
I’m always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why-
Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel forced to
Answer you, hell no
I’ve acquired a taste
For a well-made mistake, I wanna
Make a mistake, why can’t I make a mistake
I’m always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why-

I Know (Fiona Apple. Album: When The Pawn)

So be it, I’m your crowbar
If that’s what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend
That I don’t know of your sins
Until you are ready to confess
But all the time, all the time
I’ll know, I’ll know
And you can use my skin
To bury secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, all the time
I’ll know, I’ll know
Baby- I can’t help you out, while she’s still around
So for the time being, I’m being patient
And amidst this bitterness
If you’ll just consider this-even if it don’t make sense
All the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you’ve early closed your curtains,
I’ll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets to late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It’s ok, don’t need to say it.

So many Bjork tracks to choose from, but this one always, always has been my favorite. It’s so sensual, playful, calming, and filled with the ups and downs of a relationship you just gotta break away from. So it has also been in constant rotation.

Possibly Maybe (Bjork. Albums: Post, Greatest Hits)

Your flirt finds me out
Teases the crack in me
Smittens me with hope

Possibly maybe probably love
As much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn’t mind perhaps
Spending little time with you
Sometimes
Sometimes

Possibly maybe probably love

Uncertainty excites me
Baby
Who knows what’s going to happen?
Lottery or car crash
Or you’ll join a cult

Possibly maybe probably love

Mon petit Vulcan
You’re eruptions and disasters
I keep calm
Admiring the lava
I keep calm

Possibly maybe probably love

Electric shocks?
I love them!
With you – a dozen a day
But after a while I wonder
Where’s that love you promised me?

Possibly maybe probably love

How can you offer me love like that?
My heart is burned
How can you offer me love me like that?
I’m exhausted
Leave me alone

Possibly maybe probably love

Since we broke up
I’m using lipstick again
I’ll suck my tongue
As a remembrance of you…